10 Tex-Mex Entrees, Ranked

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Tex-Mex broadly refers to the cuisine of native Mexicans in Texas and its many modern adaptations. It has a lot of overlap with other Mexican cuisines, but isn’t quite the same. It’s one of the most beloved of the American cuisine sub-types and is very popular throughout the USA. Based on my experience of growing up eating Tex-Mex in the US, I decided to make a ranking of some of the most common entrees.

SPOILERS AHEAD! …for the original Indiana Jones movies. Are they even spoilers at this point?

10. Fajitas

Fajitas–grilled strips of meat, bell peppers, and onions–are deeply lame. Some Tex-Mex restaurants try to cover up this fact with a lot of pointless pageantry by serving it in a sizzling cast-iron pan that you have to wait to cool down enough to fork into some tortillas without your face melting off like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they open the ark, but other places are more honest and relegate them to the rightly neglected Lighter Fare portion of the menu. 

I’m pretty sure a common piece of advice for low-calorie options while eating out is something like: “Craving a smothered burrito filled to the brim with sour cream? Get fajitas instead–and skip the tortillas for extra calorie savings!” LOL okay, if you want to live a sad life then go for it, but we have dumb stuff without tortillas at home, so if I’m at the local Tex-Mex joint I’m getting that burreet.

9. Tostadas

This is NOT going to end well.

Tostadas–fried corn tortillas with toppings piled high–are just a poorly proportioned nacho plate that nobody knows how to eat. If you try to use a knife and fork, the tortilla splinters like the ground of Petra when the Nazis in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade try to take the Holy Grail across the seal. If you try to use your hands, you end up with the toppings on your hands, on the plate, in your lap, on the table, and definitely not on the tortilla. Seriously, HOW are you supposed to eat tostadas? Does anyone know?!

8. Taco Plate

Taco plates are great in theory, but always disappoint me in practice. I love actual Mexican tacos, but Tex-Mex restaurants just always seem to over-complicate something that should be simple. There’s always a small amount of “real” filling, which never seems to be flavorful enough (I’m all for freedom and everything, but black beans as a taco filling needs to be banned and I will 100% inform on my neighbors for this crime), and then basically a salad on top to make sure you can’t pick it up with any kind of ease. 

True story: a few months ago my boyfriend and I ordered from Chili’s for our movie night and there was a vegetarian taco special. I ordered it and received plain, unseasoned, heated up frozen vegetable mix and tortillas. Chili’s, you guys need to do a full-scale investigation of your Morocco restaurants. Is this the international legacy you’re trying to leave? Haven’t you damaged Tex-Mex enough?!

7. Chili Relleno

Chili relleno sounds like it should be amazing: a battered, fried pepper stuffed with cheese? What could go wrong? Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve made it at home with great success, but I have never had a particularly good one at a restaurant. Maybe because it seems so fool-proof it gets taken for granted? Or maybe I ate way too much chili relleno pizza while I was horribly hungover one day in Mexico City and now I’m super biased against an innocent fried cheese dish? The world may never know. And yes, chili relleno pizza exists.

6. Taco Salad

Taco salad is kind of the opposite of chili relleno: it sounds super lame, but it’s actually surprisingly decent. I love sauces, so anything that can be drenched in dressing is going to be pretty good in my book; bonus points if I get to pretend it’s healthy.

5. Chimichanga

A chimichanga is just a deep-fried burrito. It’s completely unnecessary, but it’s still a burrito so pretty good. This is Burrito at his most immature state: he’s just trying WAY too hard. Grow up and chill out, Burrito!

4. Burrito

On paper, burritos are one of mankind’s finest inventions: take everything great about Tex-Mex and wrap it up nice and tight in a tortilla. Voila! You have a handy and delicious meal. Of course, we all know what it’s actually like to eat a giant, overstuffed burrito: involuntary pig noises as you try to scarf down the ingredients that are rapidly tumbling down to the floor like suburban kids in the 90s slipping at the top of the ubiquitous carpeted staircase. They’re still DAMN good, though.

3. Quesadilla

Burritos are great at being crammed full of a variety of delicious ingredients, but quesadillas got what you really need: cheese. Burrito is that dude with a stable job and career goals and a retirement plan, but once you get to know him you realize he is a gd MESS on the inside who really needs work on his shit. Quesadilla, though, is 100% up front about working a dead-end job with no motivation in sight, has made it to 35 without ever knowing the definition of the word “portfolio”, and spends any extra money he has on his weirdly expensive hobby (why do these guys always have a weirdly expensive hobby?). But he’s uncomplicated and damn, does he ever satisfy your needs!

2. Wet Burrito

A wet burrito is better than a regular burrito for a couple reasons: 1. You can drop all pretense of it being hand-held and just use the damn knife and fork, and 2. It’s covered in sauce and cheese. This is the final evolution of Burrito, who is in his 30s now and knows what works for him.

1. Enchiladas

Is there anything better than ordering the enchilada plate at a Tex-Mex joint? I guess ordering an enchilada plate AND an enormous margarita with a mini Corona in it…but either way, enchiladas are involved. Enchiladas start with something pretty simple: tortillas with a filling (preferably cheese), and then smothered in sauce and more cheese. And, if you’ve gotten it from any kind of self-respecting restaurant, then it also comes with rice and beans on the side. Rice and (REFRIED) beans are, personally, my favorite part of Tex-Mex-ing.

While my opinions on fajitas and tacos might be controversial, I think we can all agree on enchiladas being absolutely bangin’. You can also get a good idea of my priorities: sauce and cheese.

I managed to get 2 out of 3 of the original Indiana Jones movies in here. Which Tex-Mex dish would you compare to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

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